"Being Grown Up"

I am realising more and more that "being a grown up" is kinda false advertising. Grown up indicates that you are done growing, that never happens. I have been reaching the conclusion that "being grown up" actually means that when faced with problems you only freak out some of the time instead of every time. This might just apply to me though.

Also I am coming to realise that I might never get a handle on this living thing. I keep waiting for a week to come where I blink and it isn't over yet, so I can organise and breath. It's never going to happen, is it?

Brain Spew

My writers instincts are lethal. Instead of harnessing all the changes in my life to create awesome blog posts, I go silent. (applause)

So I went to Europe, got a car, moved out, quit my job, got a new one, had to leave my cat with the folks (pouty face) Life has generally been crazy busy. I hope life will develop a rhythm soon, or at any rate that is a deep wish of mine.

I feel that I have overload information in mine brain, and I can't organise it well enough to get it out in any semblance of order.

I have been having that exact problem when people ask about traveling. Two months of memories, and they want my favorite moment? Do I have a favorite moment? What if to anyone who wasn't there it is boring? Because it could be. But what if I want to talk about it anyway?

All that goes through my head when someone says "So, did you have a good time?" I might or might not over think. Sometimes. Maybe.

Gretchen and I are getting along quite well. I never thought that my first car would be a smart car. Gotta say, she rules.

Not going to talk about jobs yet.

Ok, I think I found a new favorite line to the statement "I've been thinking." This should be the reply "Dangerous at all times, and with a tendency to cause pain in those unaccustomed to such exercise."

I like that one.

Start of a new school year, good times. I just can't wait until it starts raining more often and is cold enough for a coat. This sunshine thing has got to end soon.

Couple more weeks until the regular TV season starts. That makes me first level happy.

I don't have a lot else for right now.

Sidetracked

So I didn't hold up my end of the deal, you know, the blog every day thing because I have been plowing through Dark Angel. Yup, that's right, I don't show up 'cause I am watching old TV.

Redo greenery tomorrow and make whipped short bread. Basically ready for Christmas.

Sucking at life.

 Come join my snivel fest.

I have a soar throat. I would rather hug the toilet bowl for 24 hours straight than have a soar throat.
I did not get sick, really, for 3 years and then I get a soar throat? Blarg.

In other horrible news, I can't read. I simply cannot focus long enough to get into a book. I have many that I am simply dying to read. I even bought them. No "they have to go back to the library" no "I borrowed from friends" just "I can't concentrate 'cause I have the attention span of a gnat."

Blarg! BLARG!!!! Gah.

I don't feel good.

I need to get in gear.

I have been thinking of doing a photo project where I take a picture of the same place at the same time for a year. There is a field on my way to work that is gorgeous in any weather, and I thought it would be interesting to watch the light change and other things. Any way, should I start now or wait for Spring? I don't know.

Actually I do know. I am simply too apathetic to make sure that my camera has batteries and that I have it with me in  the mornings before work.

I will try and get on that. Because I would really like to have the catalogue of the year.

Bibliogeek x 8 in the last week and half. At least I am doing something with my time.

Mumisms

There has been talk flying around my house about only and youngest children. It made me think of all my mum's favorite phrases. I thought I would do a list.

1. No blood, no sympathy. (I have really early memories of this one.)
2. Life isn't fair. You were not born with a ticket on your toe saying life would be fair. (This eventually got shortened to "No ticket.")
3. You don't have to like it, you just have to do/eat it.
4. I am not here to win a popularity contest. (Often said if I told her that she was mean or I didn't like her at that moment in time.)
5. It only gets worse with age. If you think this is hard, just wait. (High school needed to be put in perspective, apparently.)
6. Suck it up Princess!
7. This one is not a exactly a saying, but she would rub her fingers together. World's smallest violin. (In other words, she so did not care.)
8. Oh cry me a river. 

Those were the common ones that I grew up to. My sweet mother. She was the soft parent. And I still ended up spoilt. (But only a little bit. For an only I am bearable sometimes.)

Thanks mum. I now have all the ammunition with which to raise children.

Like a Phoenix

I have a valid reason for disappearing this time. My computer died a tragic and very final death. But now I have a new one. This also happens to the first computer of my life that has never belonged to someone else before coming into my possession. This one is all mine.

About every two days in my computer drought, I would have an idea with the tag in my mind, oh I should blog about that. Yup, not going to happen. And now I don't remember any of those lovely, insightful or humours anecdotes. I have found free books on my kindle though, so I am at biblio-geek x 6? Something like that.

Have you ever planned dinner on a remembered amount of protein, only to go to the fridge and find out that the remembered amount is from last night? I just did that. So, supplementing dinner is tonight's challenge. It would be so much easier with bread and cheese, but those two are on the verboten list.

I am back.

Trying to do laundry.

I am never sure how to start little stories that don't really have a beginning but I still want to share. I just had to laugh at myself today.
So before I went to work this evening I knew I had to put on a load of laundry for the simple fact that I was running out of clothes. But I also knew I had to shower first because I can't run the washer and rinse my hair simultaneously. And what happened? Yes, I forgot to put on the laundry, and I didn't realise until at work I was asked to do ... Laundry. So there I was transferring from the washer and this bolt struck me. A total head desk moment. Call me a forget-it-often flower. Shower? Check. Laundry? Nope.
So all I really wanted in that moment was to go home and do my own laundry, because a) I had remembered that I have no clothes. b) I just really wanted to go home. Stuck at work doing the chore I had forgot to do at home which has slightly more dire consequences. (NO CLOTHES)
Oh, the irony.
Oh well.

I finished Penhallow finally. My gosh it was weird. No one died until about 70% of the book was finished and on top of that, the murder was describe as it happened and then, yes, more weird stuff, it was not solved by the police and then it ended. Like I said, weird.

I happen to like both Agatha Christie and Georgette Heyer. They can both be a little formulaic, but always enjoyable. But on the odd occasion they come up with loopy books. I just have to sit and shake my head. This one goes in the funky pile.

No RIG tonight.

Quote:
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.  ~Author Unknown

Counting down the days.

At several points today I had the thought, "oh that would be a great post", but being at work or wherever, I could not write it up, and am now left at the end of the day with brain suck once again.

BEDA is almost over and I cannot say I will be sorry. I might keep posting more often than I had been, but definitely not every day. The well of interesting things to say is not that deep in me.

For my record keeping I just finished The False Prince - Jennifer A. Nielsen

I think everything I ever say is that I have nothing to say. Which might be totally true. Some people are here to have thoughts and others must be here to hear thoughts. I hear. I feel that listeners are not appreciated fully. But someone has to listen to all the hot air being blown over the world.

I'm not feeling particularly lucid right now, so I am cutting myself off there.

And the random generator once again comes up with the most odd junk. Really.

Mycobacterium tuberculosis, the bactirium that causes most cases of tuberculosis.

 

DAY TWENTY-EIGHT

Not a movie review.

If I only discover little personal quirks once, they just pass out of my mind, because I am not reminded. Last night I was reminded of one I discovered in Disneyland. I am a giggler.  People have many different  responses to excitement, like a ride, some gulp, some scream, some grip, others look away. I laugh.

Last night I went to watch Cabin in the Woods. I would not recommend  this movie unless you enjoy the genre of horror. It was my first horror film, but I have experienced horror on Supernatural and I knew that I could enjoy it. But I had a fear. I didn't want to scream.

Fortunately there was no screaming, only much giggling.

This is not going to be a review of Cabin in the Woods. I suggest you only watch it if you like horror, Joss Whedon and are old enough to get into an R-rated movie. All I really wanted to say was I'm happy I'm a giggler.

Now for an image of randomness from my personal generator.

This is a blue button.

DAY TWENTY-FOUR

Many Half Baked Ideas

Um... I have half formed ideas for several posts, but this is April, and I never fill out my ideas anyway. I gave up doing that when I finished my last exam with essay portions.

I was yawnig so hard this morning I thought my jaw was going to dislocate.

Growing friendships is work. Very rewarding work.

Trying to keep up with a bunch of sports without spare time is rough. (Case in point; I am watching a hockey while doing this.)

I pre-ordered the second season of Sherlock today. I almost bought it in Oxford. It was sitting behind the counter in Blackwell's and I sooooo wanted to buy it, but any DVD I bought there would never work here, so I refrained. I tacked it up to just another thing I have against living here. I love it most of the time, unless it comes to books, TV and choirs. Also old stuff.

My days are not long enough. Or I am just to dang tired to take advantage of the remaining day. I don't even have kids and I'm this knackered.  Sheesh, what a wimp.

I have to start practicing actual typing again. What I do is just not going to cut it.

Quote: A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
Oscar Wilde

This baby rattle is an act of randomness. I asked for a suggestion of an object. This is what I got. Why do baby toys have to make so much noise?

 DAY TWENTY-TWO

Recreate?

Why the constant need to recreate stuff?
And yes, Blogger I am targeting you right now.
I get redoing some things, but, but...
Oh fine. I like when people rewrite fairy tales. Not always, but there has been more than one successful retelling done. I also collect versions of  the Twelve Dancing Princesses. So I can't be totally against the re-vamp.
Mostly I don't like it when people move stuff on my computer, I am too close to being a Luddite, that this messing with things always leaves me close to the edge of not being able to find anything. And I have control issues, I don't like not being able to find junk.
GRRR! Oh well. I must carry on.

Quote: A room without books is like a body without a soul.
 Cicero, (Attributed)
Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC - 43 BC)










DAY TWENTY-ONE

Ramblings.

I can't seem to read and work at the same time. I mean my books do not progress. At all.
So I can't talk about that.
The sorting news we got yesterday.
The Canucks look like they are winning but the game isn't over yet.
I'm tired?  But that isn't a topic.
Gosh, my brain is a barren wasteland.
I painted my fingernails mint green?
Really I have nothing to add to the over all info of the world that will not suck.
So I think I will leave it at that.
DFTBA

DAY EIGHTEEN

Pennies

Down With The Penny!

My country has finally seen the light and in the fall we will stop making pennies. Huzzah! Since beginning my career in giving people change for twenty dollar bills, I have become a firm hater of the penny. Also I have seen the math and listened to some smart people talk about the penny. And New Zealand is doing just fine without it.

So, yay us! We are getting rid of our penny. I will of course save some to show my children.
On a less approving note. The new plastic money sticks together. It can make life difficult. And it just doesn't feel like money. But I approve of no pennies, so I can forgive about the plastic money, and I am sure that in time I will become used to it. I hope.

NO MORE OF THESE BABIES!

DAY THREE
Post Script: If you are interested you can watch the No Pennies things here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU4E6SSy5Yg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5UT04p5f7U&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77C47XYm_3c&feature=youtu.be
Have fun.

Dreams?

The land of the dreams is always odd, but sometimes it can highlight weaknesses. Last night was the latter.

When I was about 15 my most common nightmare was about getting drunk and doing things that I had no control over. In my dream I would watch myself participating in actions that I wouldn't do on pain of death, and I couldn't stop. It was horrifying. That dream stopped a couple years ago.

Last night that theme came back with different contents. I was strapped down on a board and couldn't move and someone was forcing tomatoes down my throat. (I have a tomato sensitivity, it makes me plugged up, and gives me dark circles under my eyes.) And after feeding me so many tomatoes I felt like I was drowning, they started in on the cigarettes. I was being forced to take up smoking.

My arms were strapped down. I couldn't fight back.

I might or might not like having control over things. The thing with nightmares is sometimes they are actually scary, sometimes they just point out that I still have trust issues.

FIVE DAYS TILL DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!

Thank you...

There is thing... Gosh, starting a sentance like that makes me feel dumb.

Moving on.

Recently in some of the YouTube videos I have been watching, people have been thanking J.K. Rowling. So I thought, why limit yourself to one English author?

Thank you A.A. Milne for the way I write to and orally address my mummy. Thank you for writing poetry that I simply memorised by reading it repeatedly. Thank you for Eeyore. And Winnie-the-Pooh.

Thank you Arthur Ransome for getting me through the first years of homeschooling.

Thank you Baroness Emma Orczy for writing The Scarlet Pimpernel. This book showed me that 100% was possible with Seton.

Thank you Constance Savery for outstanding children's literature, That as an adult becomes more complex.

Thank you C.S. Lewis. And Tolkien, and Chesterton. Thank you for being great men and wonderful authors.

Thank you Josephine Tey. You were a late edition to my life. I'm sorry it took me so long.

Thank you Georgette Heyer for filling up so much of my book shelf. My life would be that little bit more barren without you.

Thank you Diana Wynne Jones for Howl and Chant. You will be missed.

I think that's it for now.

P.S. Does Robin McKinley count? She is from the States but lives in England.

Demands have been made.

I have been suffering form feeling the futility of words. There is nothing about me that is new, exciting or particularly interesting. So I haven't felt the urge to share. Nothing out of the ordinary happens to me and I do not have the talent to spin boring into a story.
(That only sounded mildly self absorbed, didn't it?)

So onwards.

Thing one: I got bangs. I have been asking hairdressers for years, if maybe, just maybe I could have bangs? They said no. I finally found one who thought it was my hair. It was a nice change, and I am going to stick with her.

Thing two: Courage was used today. I bought shorts. Summer is torture. Every thing is shorter, people want you to wear swimsuits.Just all round torture. But, I was brave and it went better than it has in the past.

Thing three: I got a ticket to the midnight showing for Harry Potter. This is the first time I will go to a midnight showing and it is for the last film.

Thing four: Melismas are evil.

Thing five: I want to talk about my faith, or spiritual journey, or something. I keep pulling a blank. Apparently I have no spiritual life. Talk about a freaky news flash.

Thing six: The Canucks won tonight. A happier Christina does this make.

Thing seven: I am just getting into Downtown Abbey, and the third and fourth episodes are on Sunday night. Goody!

GERONIMO

Spiritual Directors

For a couple years I have had my eyes open for a spiritual director, but there are a few things standing in my way.

Namely, me.

Advice is usually offered in confession. I travel for confession so as to not go the the parish priest. And also we don't have a proper confessional. I need a screen. It is vital. But the point still stands. I don't want to face the the still very human person I just humbled myself before. (As a side not, I get the theology, my issue still exists.) But a spiritual director would have to know me, and know me well. It makes me squiggly inside. Something is in my way.

Namely, me. A very proud me.

I have notice that I get in the way of my growth quite often. I should stop. It's a bad habit.

GERONIMO

Go Canucks Go

I usually watch hockey during the Olympics, and that's it. I have come to realize that is partly because, before this year, in my living memory, my home team didn't not do well. Nothing gets me enthusiastic about a sport than a team I like, doing well.

So, I am watching the Stanley Cup, and caring. I feel unified with the people around me. When someone drives past with Canucks flag in their car windows, I feel a flash of understanding, that in the past was not felt. This is the first time I have ever cheered team, not a country. Before this, I watched more individual sports or world sporting events. This is fun.

So... Go Canucks Go

GERONIMO

Be patient

I have stuff to process.

Humans can learn an amazing amount of stuff in a week. It helps when it is already half learned.

Lyrics are the easy part of music.

Crazy people are crazy, they are really hard to crawl inside of.

Life does not end If exams are failed. Humility is good, even in big doses.

Brains can eventually regain order. They just need time.

Ones value as a human does not rest in academic achievement.

Prayer always helps. Always.

Eating feelings does not. Chocolate is not always the solution. Most times it is though.

Time progresses regardless of whether it is told to or not.

Internal metronomes need to be dusted sometimes. That does not mean I am faulty and not functioning properly any more. Tune-ups are for peak performance.

I will live.