Calm, empty and the 26th.

Boring was much needed. I was craving day with nothing in it, just to catch up in my brain. We have had so much company.

Summer arrived late, and now I am not sleeping. But it had to come at some point.

I made my first batch of jam EVER today. So, that was scary. I read. I didn't sleep in.

                        Really, the entire point of this post is to say;

TOMORROW IS DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!

Big things, little endings.

I am sure that all childhoods can be summed up in a few defining things, but as I can only speak about mine, I will.

Mine can be summed thus;

• Learning complications and being home schooled.

• Really good books.

• Gobs of outside playtime.

• Friends for life.

• Playmobil.

I lived 6" from good friend for 11 years. We collected playmobil, and because we played with it together, we kept it together. Today we had to sort it, because of moving and being grown ups and junk. 

The endings of iconic things are traumatic. Remembering hours we spent with little plastic pieces. The characters have names and we still know them. And we had to sort and divide. I had the distinct feeling of moving forward this afternoon. Sometimes growing older comes softly, but that wasn't today. But I didn't cry, so that went better than I was anticipating.

And to quote myself on aging "Either we get old or we die young.

THREE DAYS TILL DOCTOR WHO!!!!!

Dreams?

The land of the dreams is always odd, but sometimes it can highlight weaknesses. Last night was the latter.

When I was about 15 my most common nightmare was about getting drunk and doing things that I had no control over. In my dream I would watch myself participating in actions that I wouldn't do on pain of death, and I couldn't stop. It was horrifying. That dream stopped a couple years ago.

Last night that theme came back with different contents. I was strapped down on a board and couldn't move and someone was forcing tomatoes down my throat. (I have a tomato sensitivity, it makes me plugged up, and gives me dark circles under my eyes.) And after feeding me so many tomatoes I felt like I was drowning, they started in on the cigarettes. I was being forced to take up smoking.

My arms were strapped down. I couldn't fight back.

I might or might not like having control over things. The thing with nightmares is sometimes they are actually scary, sometimes they just point out that I still have trust issues.

FIVE DAYS TILL DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!

My eye

The left to be exact. It has a saga. Well, both of my eye's are involved in the saga.

It starts when I was young. I was diagnosed with an eye focusing error. Which means the little muscles in your eye which keep it steady to follow a line of writing, were not developed. So I couldn't read.

That was fun. The years before 11. I would get massive headaches when trying to study for more than 20 minutes, which is why we began homeschooling. But I grew out of my focusing error, and for 4 years I had perfect vision. Then I was given glasses for distance because my vision was no longer fine.

Glasses. I didn't want to be one of the kids with glasses. I wanted perfect vision like both my parents. I didn't want issues. So I didn't wear them. And I didn't go back to the optometrist for 6 or so years. I recently went back. And was told that if I have glasses I should wear them. I have been. The headaches are gone so that's nice. But when I was at the Doctor's, his fancy new eye camera found a hole in my left eye, and I have been scheduled for laser surgery to tack it into place so my retina never detaches, which could happen because of my hole.

I'm not old enough for this kind of drama.





NINE DAYS TILL DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!!

This is not a travel blog.

Okay, I happen to combating travel envy right now.

WYD has rolled around again, and once again I am NOT there. I am also not leaving to see lovely historical sites or go to school in a foreign country. I am going to stay home and watch it all on TV,  read other peoples blogs and decipher home picture slides.





11 Days till Doctor Who!!!!!

GERONIMO

My first blackberry of the season.

I always forget what blackberry tastes like. Fresh off the bush. Still warm. And then I always remember, and it is good. So good. Do I forget the joys of seasons that aren't happening? I don't think I do, and then I eat that blackberry.

We also got three hazelnuts from the nut tree. That was fun. Nothing else is ready to be harvested.

It's the 15th of August. The evenings are shorter, the days cooler. Time to think about back to school.

Because of the what I chose to do, back to school supplies don't look standard. They haven't looked standard since grade 2 and I still miss that feeling. Kilts, new pencils and knee-high socks are all things I wish for as soon as anyone mentions school. I wish universities had uniforms. I wish it could feel like September more often. New, fresh, and so so clean. No big black blemishes tarnishing your memories yet. They come. So quickly they come, but they haven't arrived yet.

Pretty, Huh?

I miss that feeling.Adulthood isn't formed into seasons quite the same way. I think I will suffer nostalgia for Autumn forever.

12 days till Doctor Who!!!

GERONIMO

Maybe I should use this?

So I think one of the points of a blog is to write about your life. I seem to have trouble grasping that right now. Obviously.
I have really low lows after great days. I had a great day yesterday, last night I crashed. The crash always looks the same.

                                   Silly.

Last night I got thinking about the talents God gives different people, which led me to come to the (false?) realization that I have no great talents and absolutely no original thoughts. And I am a choleric, direct communicator, and generally loud and abrasive. So I got to cry about having no redeeming qualities and this morning life looked so much better.

Who wudda thunk?

But I would still like a talent. Or to be pretty. I would take either. Not too picky.

Why don't we dress like that anymore? I would wear a corset to look like that. Would you?