"Being Grown Up"

I am realising more and more that "being a grown up" is kinda false advertising. Grown up indicates that you are done growing, that never happens. I have been reaching the conclusion that "being grown up" actually means that when faced with problems you only freak out some of the time instead of every time. This might just apply to me though.

Also I am coming to realise that I might never get a handle on this living thing. I keep waiting for a week to come where I blink and it isn't over yet, so I can organise and breath. It's never going to happen, is it?

Brain Spew

My writers instincts are lethal. Instead of harnessing all the changes in my life to create awesome blog posts, I go silent. (applause)

So I went to Europe, got a car, moved out, quit my job, got a new one, had to leave my cat with the folks (pouty face) Life has generally been crazy busy. I hope life will develop a rhythm soon, or at any rate that is a deep wish of mine.

I feel that I have overload information in mine brain, and I can't organise it well enough to get it out in any semblance of order.

I have been having that exact problem when people ask about traveling. Two months of memories, and they want my favorite moment? Do I have a favorite moment? What if to anyone who wasn't there it is boring? Because it could be. But what if I want to talk about it anyway?

All that goes through my head when someone says "So, did you have a good time?" I might or might not over think. Sometimes. Maybe.

Gretchen and I are getting along quite well. I never thought that my first car would be a smart car. Gotta say, she rules.

Not going to talk about jobs yet.

Ok, I think I found a new favorite line to the statement "I've been thinking." This should be the reply "Dangerous at all times, and with a tendency to cause pain in those unaccustomed to such exercise."

I like that one.

Start of a new school year, good times. I just can't wait until it starts raining more often and is cold enough for a coat. This sunshine thing has got to end soon.

Couple more weeks until the regular TV season starts. That makes me first level happy.

I don't have a lot else for right now.

I had adventures

So yes I left for months but I had to go wander around Europe for two months. I have now been home for a week. In that week , I have worked four days, gone to visit family, got given a car, and rented a new place to live. I also came home with a European illness. Jeepers. No wonder I am tired.

I promise pictures for things soon.

D+

I couldn't get inspired to do BEDA or do a trip count down. I didn't write about finally caving and getting my drivers licence, but today I sang the D major scale evenly, with no change, top to bottom in  a vocalise that I have been doing for four years and today for the first time it worked.

My music teacher asked if my body was snatched by aliens. In quasi seriousness.

Almost all singers have a key that they hate. Mine is if you haven't guessed, is D+. I am ecstatic.

I will try to do a little more trip count down since there is a less than a month to go.

It lives.

I'm out of the habit. Blogging takes some consistency and I have none for the periphery of my life these days. Not that I had a lot before but, whatever.

So for lent God decide that I was finally going to cave and drive. Uh huh, that's right I could have legally been on the road for 8 years and I don't drive. Judge me, go ahead. There were issues.

And also trip planning. May 3rd is take-off day.

I do most of my thinking as sort of behind the scenes processing, where I am not actively thing about about the issue and then the last 20% or so of the thinking is out loud. I just got a  butt load of info, so now I sit a twiddle my thumbs for a while.

Just thought I would put some of this out into the abyss.

My weekly rat race.

I have been removed from life for the last while. I was gearing up to an exam in the beginning of January and since then I have been on the wheel of my life trying to get through a week with no casualties.

I have to work four days a week to pay school expenses but because I work four days I have trouble with a full course load which is kinda ok because of the apprenticeship thing I have going on. But the exam was then end of something and the beginning of diploma work. And I find myself putting off homework to go to a job I am supposed to be working to pay for school. Which is a little messed.

So, four days working, three days of class, teaching on one of those days, practising, language work and newly added a weekly essay. I have not done any formal writing in five years. The only writing I have done is History exams and then I have three hours which means no revision. This essay thing has kinda scared me a little spit less.

I thought I would tell the internet that, because all the people in my life tell me to suck it up and I will be fine. I was (yeah, that is past tense) good at English and essays. I don't really feel fine, I feel intimidated. Yes, I pulled out the first one, and yeah, I will do this weeks, just gah. It is another ball that I have to keep in the air. I don't want any more balls. Add another and watch the entire thing come crumbling down.

I know. I am chicken. I don't have that big a course load. But I am still struggling. But this too will pass.

Two years at this.

IT'S MY BIRFFDYAY!!!!!!

Gone, wasn't I? So I didn't finish beda.  Guess that makes this update time.
For the first time in my life it snowed on Christmas day. White Christmas. I was ecstatic. It rained boxing day. I would expect nothing less from the west coast.

Christmas hols. was full of company. They haven't all left yet. Full house filled with crazy people.

 For my birthday party we went to Les Mis. I liked it. Cried like anything, but that I was expecting.  Being able to turn off the critical thinking side of my brain has its advantages. I could enjoy without having to examine the singing.

New Years was quiet. Just the way I like it.

I haven't cried on my birthday. After my teen years, the only way, was up I guess.

I have not made any New Years resolutions. I am going to try and drive this year, but that isn't exactly a resolution.

One of the many reasons that I haven't been updating is 'cause life is trucking along at its normal pace and I have nothing to add in terms of observations.

I would like to do an official book count this year. I think that could be fun.

Onward with 2013. This should be interesting if nothing else.

Sidetracked

So I didn't hold up my end of the deal, you know, the blog every day thing because I have been plowing through Dark Angel. Yup, that's right, I don't show up 'cause I am watching old TV.

Redo greenery tomorrow and make whipped short bread. Basically ready for Christmas.

I can update.

I have simply not updated because nothing has happened and I didn't want to.

But I made butter tarts today. I have finally got Christmas baking in my house. Totally not leaving it to the last minute or anything.

It snowed last night. Slushy wet snow that will be gone tomorrow. But still, snow.

It's begining to look a lot like Christmas! la da la la la.

P.S. I loved the Hobbit. Even the extra bits.

The Hobbit

Tonight is Hobbit night. I have my ticket.

Three hour movie starting at ten at night, an hour drive to get home and I have to be at work tomorrow morning. At seven, in the morning. Who said I wasn't dumb.

On the other hand, I am totally fan-girling. SQEEEEEEE!!!!!

 LOTR was my early teen years. This is transporting me back. I am so excited.

WOOHOO

Ick, I am ... guess.

I couldn't let it go for two days, but all I really have to say is neocitron is my friend.

I read Princess of the Silver Wood - Jessica Day George the third in a series. It came out yesterday, and I have to say that one aspect of owning a kindle was being able to have access to something so soon after release. The story combined Little Red Riding Hood and Robin Hood, and I enjoyed it.

Sn*t & stuff

I am failing at this Christmas baking thing. On the come down from singing sick I continued to be sick today. It is the sore throat back to haunt me. This illness appears to cyclical. I'm experiencing take two. I get better, it comes back. Sucks.

Anyway, the point of me sniveling (pun) about being sick is that the last thing I want to do is stick my hands in pastry. So no butter tarts.

I do on the other hand get to stop obsessing over German and listen to fun music again.
This has been playing bunches in my house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSUFzC6_fp8

 We have the Ep. and I love their version of  "O come, o come Emmanuel" it has addictive properties.

Re-reading A Posse of Princesses - Sherwood Smith, I really enjoy her work, and apparently reading new material is beyond the powers of sick brain. Sigh.

This has been an update. Talk tomorrow. Over and out.

I feel lighter

Concert done. Week over. De-stress has begun.

Umm... I think I said that I was going to elaborate on my life, and be a little more informal, but tonight I have very little to add.

Second week of Advent started today.

OK, talk tomorrow.

Getting better

I know, I know, I missed yesterday. These things happen.

As the week progresses my brain gains space. Three of this weeks performances are done. Now I just have to do the personal concert. You know, the solo bit. AHHHHH! Help me. Rescue me. Take me to a private island. Ok, freak out over.

I got to be part of a choir which sang at an ordination today. The music and mass were lovely.

So, I am now just sitting watching Jamie Oliver's Christmas specials and not going over my German words for two of my songs and generally being a lousy student.

Second week of Advent starts tomorrow.

Day five

 Fifth day of Advent

Days do not have enough hours to do all the work and still have fun time. But I don't want to give up fun time, so the days need to grow more hours. Just saying.

In other news, Happy St. Nicolas Day!!! I hope you ate your body weight in chocolate.

I have to do junk in my life and yesterday I was loquacious, so this is it.

Stress Bumps

I suffer from anxiety. I also get stressed. Both happen at the same time on an all to frequent basis. But over the last four years I have worked to get them under  into the realm of "normal".

My stress bumps came back this week. Stress bumps are literally what they sound like. I get these weird bumps on my knuckles. The doctor could not figure out what they where, when we asked. They get dry and sore. And they only show up when I am so stressed-out-of-my-ever-loving-mind that the stress has to become external.

I think the last time I got stress bumps was music festival six years ago? Seven? Five? (Before my voice got sick, and I got to quit music festival.) I am not sure. I could look it up, because I know what I was doing, but I am too lazy. It was the last year I got sent to provincials. For MF that year I had seven solos, two choir groups, and two dance numbers in the space of a week and a half. I would never preform if given the choice. I don't like it. It does not thrill me. In fact IT STRESSES ME OUT. So do I think it is a coincidence that the last time I had growths on my hands was the last time someone asked me to preform that many times in a week, and they came back for the first time in years, in a week that I have to preform four times in a week? No, not a fluke.

Talent and desire do not always line up. Just 'cause I can sing and preform well does mean that I want to. Ever. But I do, because God judges us on the talents that we do not grow. But it is painful.

Not that anyone will be able to tell from my peaceful countenance. It took me hours in front of a mirror to master looking calm. But I also learned that one, because people can hear better if you look happy. Go figure.

Rant over?

Well, that was full of Advent cheer, wasn't it? People always want you to sing around Christmas. Sheesh.

Lets put in a picture.

Evergreen

So unlike past years I actually got to cut greenery in the daylight when it is not raining. I felt special.
The house also looks more like Advent. Here are a couple before shots.

The end results are lovely but you can't tell. I can't take pictures. I will of course put them up, but they are not pretty.

Not once did I ever say it wouldn't be messy.

And the after shots.

I have resigned myself to the fact that December is not freezing and it rains and no snow and it just has to be a balmy 12 degrees, but Christmas without evergreen is not something I could ever come to grips with. So decorating in our house has lots of green. Lots. I only showed you the beginning.

Maybe tomorrow I will get in some baking. I want it started before St. Nicholas day. (fingers crossed)

And I will be back on all local stations tomorrow.

BEDA, kinda.

I am already a day behind on Blog Every Day Advent. Or a modified version of BEDA. I will not call it blogmas until after the 25th of Dec.

Yesterday was day one. I have not put up the advent wreath, I did not post. I went to work at 6:30 AM and got back to the house at 10:30 last night. I thought that was a legitimate reason for not starting yesterday. I was not at work that entire time, I went to a birthday party for my cousin. December and January are birthday months in my family, on both sides. Anyway, there will be updates, and from here on out I will probably still miss days.

So, shall we do this? Yup.

Greetings.

I started an insightful post about abridged and original books and simply ran out of steam.

I am thinking about doing an Advent marathon and then the 12 days of Christmas on the days they are supposed to be. You know, after Christmas. But I don't know if I can. I think I will try, but we are heading into concert and exam season. Between the 4th and 9th of Dec. I have four things, one of which is my own concert. Yikes. I don't have enough time. And you know, Dec. carries on in that fashion. Always has, probably always will. Sigh.

That, by the way is where the other post went. To the land of memorising songs. Or in some cases, learning.

Right, well, hopefully you will be hearing so much from me, that you will want to shoot me.
I want a cap gun for Christmas. (Side note)

The stuff that counts.

Do I talk about voice much on here? I don't, do I? Weird. It takes up most of my life.

Because I finished the repertoire part of my exam in June, all my music is fairly new. And by new I mean under a year and a half old. Stuff doesn't become perfect quickly. Anyway, this means that for the concert in three weeks I have been doing fun stuff. I get to sing a Christmas carol and I get to re-polish two old songs that are my favorites. It is incredibly gratifying to redo a song that has not been dusted off in eight? years. I have new skills and new emotions. The poetry is different and the same. Songs have power regardless of what grade the book says they are in.

I am also sick, so working on songs with easier range is always a plus, when the goal is not to stress to tighten my instrument.

I think next time I have to talk about the link between no singing and my inability to regulate my own emotions.

Wanna see what I have as my desktop? I knew you did.

 

Pretty, no?